i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
