It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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