I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
