You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
