Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the condom got lost in my hair
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
