I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
