if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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