What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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