Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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