im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
