Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
