And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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