You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
