i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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