If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
