True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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