wat bout pragnant strippers??
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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