ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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