Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
