'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
