So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
