she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
