Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize