Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
