Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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