worst night to have a conscience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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