At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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