I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
