She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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