Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
