I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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