Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
