His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
