we're blogging at a bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
