My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
