Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
