We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
