It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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