Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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