whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
