i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
