that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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