come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize