oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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