I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
