i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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