i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I want her autograph on my taint
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
