hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
