Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
