She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
