This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
