so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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