My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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