I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
