After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
