There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
