so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
