i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ketchup is God's man juice
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
