Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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