11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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