I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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