Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
