ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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