none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
