You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
