I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
