Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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