my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
