Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
