Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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