she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
