I cannot find my penis.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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