Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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