Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
