I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize