Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
