and you said cock pushups were impossible
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my poor anus
How does it feel to date your dad?
I want a musical about memes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
