this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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