Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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