We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's just so happy...and so naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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