having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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