never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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