i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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