Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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